


A Head of Words

by Stayyounggodancing



Category: Original Work, Poetry - Fandom
Genre: Original work - Freeform, Other, Poems, Poetry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-17
Updated: 2016-11-28
Packaged: 2018-08-31 13:21:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8580142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stayyounggodancing/pseuds/Stayyounggodancing
Summary: This is a compilation of poems that I have written over the course of the past few years, and most relate directly to my life. I might also include songs I have written.





	1. Expensive, Lampshade, Bruise, Convincing

**Author's Note:**

> This poem is one I wrote while in a slam poetry club at a college that I used to go to. They gave you four words, and then you did your best to write a poem containing all four words.

I want to wake up to you every morning  
Your perfect smile  
Your eyes  
And maybe we have rings on our fingers  
Or maybe we don’t  
As long as your love  
Is convincing  
Is real  
I don’t care  
I want to wake up to your sleep-ruffled hair  
With me giggling as you hit the lampshade  
Instead of the ‘snooze’ button on the alarm clock  
I want to feel your good-morning kiss  
Wrinkling my nose when I smell and taste  
Last night’s dinner on your lips  
Then re-intertwine ourselves,  
Ignoring the day’s work ahead  
I want to lose the meaning of the word expensive  
As long as I’m with you  
No matter how much money  
We may or may not have  
I will be happy  
Even when love hurts  
And leaves a bruise  
But bruises heal  
And so do hearts.


	2. Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING: MENTION OF SELF HARM
> 
>  
> 
> This is a poem I wrote about a transguy I once fell for. I think when you read it, it's self-explanatory on what happened. Sometimes, it still hurts, even though I have moved on and I am the happiest I've ever been in my current relationship.

We met as some do  
You wrote  
I wrote  
So we wrote together  
While also weaving ourselves into those words  
Into every “I love you” that was spoken  
So, is it any surprise as our characters fell for one another  
Their writers also fell?  
It was nice, writing with the same emotion I felt  
Pretending that our characters were us  
I swear I could feel your hands and kisses  
All the way from Colorado  
I swear that I could hear you saying that you loved me in my ear  
And I revelled in it, I embraced it  
It was such a nice change to beloved in return for once  
To not have to doubt that someone loved me that way  
It was a taste of relief and freedom

 

But you started slipping  
Right through my fingers  
I couldn’t do anything  
I hated myself for it  
I thought I might have messed up  
Like I do every time  
And I wanted to help you so bad  
as every emotion that you ever had  
Evaporated from your soul  
and you said you couldn’t feel anything anymore  
You felt numb.  
You felt like a ghost.  
And I couldn’t make you feel anything.

 

Silence.  
That was the worst part of it all.  
Suddenly, we didn’t speak anymore.  
And that tore my heart apart  
I couldn’t breathe  
I couldn’t stop thinking of you  
I kept wanting to say, “I love you”  
To a white wall of sound  
Like that would fix it all  
But I knew it couldn’t.  
So, we finally fell apart  
And it feels different  
More agonizing when it happens with no words  
I would have preferred an argument  
I would have preferred us typing in all-caps  
Shouting at our phones  
Of how much we hated each other  
To the point where it would be unresolvable  
So I could know where it stood  
Instead of wondering  
Worrying  
And asking why.

 

I still see you.  
I want to reach out to you  
But stop myself because if I did,  
What if I ruin this more  
What if I ruin myself more?  
And it looks as if someone else has stolen your heart from me  
And I wonder if they treat you well  
They must  
Because I can see the love in your writing  
The way it used to be with ours  
And God, I can’t stop hearing your voice in my ear  
And how you said you hated it  
But I always told you it was perfect  
But what I never said, is that it still is  
You loved to sing  
But you were so afraid to do so  
Even in front of me  
I still try to imagine what it might have sounded like

 

And I can still see your Peter Pan features in my mind’s eye  
Your freckles  
Oh, how I wanted to brush my fingers over all of them,  
Connect the dots,  
Kiss your lips,  
And feel your unbound chest  
Help you love your body, somehow  
And deep inside… I still want to.  
But instead  
You fell into my casualties  
Where I never intended you to end up  
But I suppose I should move on  
You’re happier now,  
And I’ve changed too much to go back to how it was  
No matter how much I may want to  
but God, do I still fucking love you.

 

And if you do feel the same pain as I, with how things ended  
I hope you aren’t harming yourself again  
That none of those razors have my name written on them  
That the blood escaping from your arms isn’t on my hands  
Screaming out how I somehow wronged you  
Because you couldn’t find the words  
To tell me what I did.  
It’s amazing how fast someone can fall  
After being loved  
Into silence.


	3. Taylor Swift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is another poem I wrote at a slam poetry meeting. It's meant to poke a little fun at Taylor Swift, but mainly myself.

I’m sure by now  
My friends  
Have nicknamed me  
Taylor Swift   
From the amount of songs  
That I write about you  
And all the others  
That I’ve let go of  
Or those that have let go of me  
Love songs  
Break up songs  
Everything in between  
I’m sure they’ve seen  
How easily  
I teeter back and forth with my feelings  
Like a see-saw  
How confused I can be  
Running around  
Like I don’t know where I’m going  
But really  
I’m running away from you


	4. Unfinished Poem/Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is about my best friend... I'm not even sure she's my best friend anymore, really.

We were sisters  
Two of a kind  
We were close  
Nobody left behind  
We ran so far  
Into the wild  
We were young and free  
With imagination like a child's  
No blood between us  
But we were sisters  
Oh, we were sisters  
For a time

It hurts more than it should  
To know you don't trust me  
Even though I never did a thing  
To cause you to throw me away  
But the unanswered messages  
Are answered in my mind  
Because I know  
That you won't reply


End file.
